慢慢地，会好的吧？

受够了夜夜难以入眠事事无心恋战的堕落。

看着镜子，渐渐认不出自己。

终究还是不够坚强吗。

愿望2013

我原是一个狂妄而多愁善感的人。

我原本热爱散文和诗。
热爱电影和歌。
热爱不羁。
我原本热爱旅行、玩乐、斗嘴、任性和随意。
我热爱一切孩子气的人和事物。
我热爱长不大。
我热爱写。
但不是写政治，
是写自由、写爱情、
写天空和海洋、写大地和森林。

但因为那气候，那潮流……
那时代巨轮的倾轧，那社会变革的推搡……
我如今竟像一个小老人一般
在写着政治，写着角力，写着黑暗，写着怨气，写着争斗，写着主义，
写着所有受尽束缚的沉重、严肃，和纠结。
还好，真的还好……
感恩那当中也有美好的想盼。

2013。
我愿这个国家最终能迎来我们盼望着的美好。
到时，我要做回自由的我。
做我热爱的事。
这个国家要能自由而独立，
我们才能呼吸自由和喜乐的空气。

***等姗姗来迟的大选等累了，写处处受制的专题写累了，的一个晚上，的一点奢望。

BJ日記·不贊成聯署的取與捨

美劇The Newsroom中，我最喜歡的其中一段對白："Do you know what I like about Will? He's not absolute sure about anything. He struggles with things, he's never certain he's right and sometimes he is not, but he tries hard to be (right). He struggles with things." 

我一直以為，世界上有絕對的真理，但沒有絕對的價值。這是因為我們必須考慮到在不同的事件背景或歷史當下，我們有需要做價值取捨的時候。有時我們迫切需要譴責壓迫、反對暴政集權，我們就不能假假中立兩邊開弓...有時我們需要優先關懷弱勢建構福利治國，我們就未必能尊重富人努力賺錢或許不應被征高稅的那種公平...而一旦來到非民主改革不可的時候，我們更未必能夠清高到等待民智開啓或反對街頭鬥爭…（這也是第13屆全國大專辯論賽的決賽辯題所討論的：政黨輪替還是民主素質更應優先。我認為，考慮社會背景和歷史需求，民主素質並非絕對的最高價值。） 不過當然，我們也會有必須都取另一個價值的時候。擇題再論。 

話説回來，若是把對於價值取捨的認知放到記者聯署要求國會禁止外來訪客在國會開記者會的事件上，我的看法是，我固然認同記者的感受、國會的莊嚴需要被尊重，也可以認同記者有權利發言、發表不滿而不否定其作為記者的專業，甚至我也可以理解支持聯署的記者對於記者會汎濫的反感和對於改善情況的殷切期盼…但是（刀大說，人生最重要就是這個but），我覺得有個同行說得好，在我們聯署要求禁外來者前，是否思考過為什麽國會記者會會汎濫？排除有人有議員濫用這個平臺是也宣傳不是也宣傳以外，有沒有一些是因為新聞不夠開放、媒體不夠自由，而導致很多公民社會運動在呐喊的國家、貪腐、環境甚至公共議題得不到媒體足夠公平的關注？進而迫使他們走進國會，希望能“狡猾地覬覦”、“有目的地利用”國會記者會的平臺喚起關注？如果有這些可能的話，那麽媒體在沒有做好準備給公民社會運動或者各種公共議題足夠公平的關注前，政府在沒有準備要開放公平、自由和不受壓制的報道前，誰又能凴什麽一刀切地斬斷這或許是他們唯一可“利用”的平臺--人民議會？除非你能告訴我，在現況下，這些“利用”國會記者的人一旦到國會外開記者會，而且是踩及政治地雷的記者會，也能獲得和在國會内同等數量和質量，包括中英巫文媒體的公平關注和報道，那或許還可以進一步去討論國會應該開放到何種程度。否則的話，我們為什麽沒有足夠的雅量接受資訊的轟炸？如果沒有考慮到社會背景和大環境的需要，只是一昧追求記者和國會所謂的權利、本分、本質、尊嚴、感受或羞恥問題，難免有些價值偏頗。

另外。對於人們想利用媒體取得曝光，這其實再正常不過。從政治家、政客到市民，從丹斯裏、拿督到阿貓都是如此，我相信媒體都很清楚。問題是：我們是否對所有人都採取了一樣不能容忍的態度？對於媒體被利用、平臺被濫用，我一樣認同垃圾資訊汎濫的現象應該被譴責、關注和處理。問題是：我們是否應該直接用封鎖資訊來源、封鎖平臺使用的方法來處理濫用問題？這幾個問題必須思考。 

動機良善，方法合適嗎？方法可取，環境可行嗎？環境可行，局限怎辦？考慮了局限，考慮了必要性嗎？一個決定，不能只取一環之好處而否定整體格局環環相扣的考量。這就是價值取捨的難度所在。 

不過，話又說回來，矛盾的是，雖然我覺得沒有絕對價值，但我卻相信我們應該追求相對的價值。那就是，我們在事件上的價值取捨如果非到必要時應該更傾向于符合自由、民主、平等、理性、正義、人權等較為普世的價值。正如孟子曰：捨生取義者也。雖然這樣的取捨應該常常被爭議和討論。 

當然，回歸對文章第一段對白的信仰，所有意見open to challenge。因為我自己也會一直反復思考，什麽才是更好的選擇。

而如果有絕對價值，或許可能是免於恐懼的資訊自由、開放思想和理性爭辯的空間是一定要被保障的吧。因為這是保護我們能時時討論和做出最合適取捨的屏障和護盾。

或許吧，“媒體人的眼睛，似乎總在此岸看彼岸。我們的信、望、愛，永遠靠不了岸。” 辯論人也一樣。放下情緒，用理性開啓討論，然後agree to disagreement，這是我的信仰。 

祝：記者節自在。

所谓暴力

暴力固然可怕。但更可怕的是，假文明的外衣和旗帜而行的隐性暴力……它绑架你的道德、判断和思考，同时让你无从反抗……因为你其实并不知道，暴力正在发生。--m3

没有如果

如果，你们可以再懂事一点。如果，你们可以再积极一点。如果，你们可以多花一点时间，多用一些脑力，多开一些嘴巴，多发表自己的意见和看法，不要怕对错。如果，你们愿意再多创造，再多努力。如果，你们都愿意主动领导队友，整合讨论，自觉监督筹备进展……如果，你们还愿意把队伍当队看待；如果，你们还愿意把当舞台当令人热血沸腾的奋斗目标看待……

那我该有多省心啊。

可是，这世界上到底还是没有如果啊。

每一件事情，都有它相应的代价。你想要得到哪一些，就得付出哪一些所需要的那一些。时间、精神、勇气、眼泪……I do not know, you may name it, anything.只是你还愿意付出吗？

我到底还是看蒙了双眼，不清楚了，辩论对你们来说究竟还剩下些什么？

负担？负担？负担？还有负担？

如果真的事已至此，那还有什么是我这个已退役辩手能够帮到你们的呢？一头热地撞了进来，不过是把热脸贴到了一堆冷屁股上面。竟要如此两相为难下去吗？

我喜欢辩论，仅因为我喜欢在摸索资料和理论的过程中增长了见识，喜欢在相互质疑和挑战的过程中磨砺了思考，也喜欢在创造讲法和爆破的过程中发现更多创意。这些都要是双向互动中才能创造出的氛围。我不喜欢单向的喂养、喂养、喂养。

我喜欢队伍，仅因为这里有很多很多臭味相投的人，有着同样的臭味。哦不，是同样的热诚，同样的刁钻，同样的欠扁思考模式，和同样的永远奋斗目标——永远的冠军。虽然，当然，还有一些叫做责任的东西。俗称：出来走的，总是要还的。

可是真要还，我更甘心还给那些真正地热爱辩论的他和她，真正地想要拿冠军的他和她……让我看到你们的用心和斗志，我就算是要呕心沥血地还，也是心甘情愿的。反之，就只能是还得呕心沥血，还得嘴巴里都是苦胆也不知道为了什么的那·种·绝·对·无·力·感。

没有如果。不需要如果。

只需要告诉我，你们到底想怎样？

又一年918

请给我坚强而快乐的心，再给我多一点点再多一点点的好运气。

其余，我会努力的。

哎呀，始终不能抗拒alexis的蛋糕啊……
一小片，算是满足自己的嘴馋。谢谢phin。:)

Undilah! Don't sleep anymore.

A gift from Pete Teo & Friends to all Malaysians in conjunction with 916 Malaysia Day 2011.



And I'm happy enough for being able to conduct an exclusive interview with the production team. Thanks to Pete Teo, Afdlin Shauki, Namewee, Benji, Albert, Fred and others.

Pete was talkative, every journalist would loves to interview people like him; Afdlin was humourous and funny, when he start talking, laughing never stop; Namewee was damn "dai sei"; and Benji was shy, hehe.

It was an enjoyable and wonderful experience. As the interview and special report was done right before my Birthday, I see it as a gift for myself. I'm happy and satisfied, really. :)


Specially thanks to weitee, for getting these peoples to give ntv7 the exclusive interview; thanks to boonkooi, kt and weiwei, for giving me 3min airtime each day to complete the task..

NTV7 Mandarin7 News Special Report on "undilah!",
Part 1:

http://www.ntv7.com.my/mandarin7_ch/special-report-ch/916_1316100552.html

Part 2:

http://www.ntv7.com.my/mandarin7_ch/special-report-ch/916_PART_2_1316167261.html

NTV7 Edition7 News Report on "undilah!",
http://www.ntv7.com.my/7edition/entertainment-en/New_Untitled_Article_1316143968.html

It was not my voice-over in the Edition Report. But I'm happy to help in drafting the story and chose the soundbite. :)

Bye, Harry Potter.

Time flies..

When I finished reading this, I felt heavy-hearted..

It was like.. 3 years ago..



Now..

When I done watching this, I felt lost. Whether you like it or not, it's time, we have to bid goodbye to Harry Potter..

A decade has come to its' end. It was the Decade of Harry Potter. It was our teenage memory..





Although we all know that HP movies are never as amazing as the books are. But who cares? It's always a must-watched!

Because only this will complete the ritual and ceremony.

Persecution Paranoia @ 被迫害妄想症

709 BERSIH rally just around the corner.

After all the mess in the past few weeks, I cannot stop myself from pondering and wondering about whether the mental conditions of our Bolehland's government and PDRM are really healthy and normal?

Please read through the following facts, let's together examine whether these are some indicative symptoms...

1. Some days after BERSIH called for 709 peaceful rally, police had arrested 30 PSM leaders and members who go around Malaysia to advertise and publicize this rally.

Because,

By having Che Guevara T-shirts or communism-related things, you ARE intended to "REVIVE COMMUNIST IDEOLOGY & WAGE WAR ON HIS HIGHNESS YDPA"!!!

I think police should raid PETALING STREET and all tourism spots. Do they ever realize how many hawkers are reviving communism by selling these T-shirts to tourists who trying to revive communism?! There are countless!

Even our premier was meeting the world's largest communist party leader months ago. They even had private talk! Is that consider waging war to His Highness Agung?

2. Then they announced BERSIH, T-shirts and YELLOWS are illegal.

Because,

BERSIH, T-Shirts and Yellow may threaten national security, and ultimately create chaos in the country..

So she is Osama bin Laden in disguise?

And the T-shirts are actually decepticons in disguise?!

Finally these yellows are actually biological weapons?!

Unbelievable!

3. All of a sudden,

Poems can threaten national security too! A respected and noble poet may bring more harm than a terrorist!

This old grandpa may threaten national security?! You think Rakyat is LuLu ar?

So government plans to ban their books and poems too? Close down all bookstores that sell related books?

4. Even worse,

A Korean intern student maybe a SPY!

Probably the government and police will also think that, these international supports for BERSIH and calls for release the arrested persons are some kinds of intervention into our internal affairs, or an effort to topple government?

5. On and off they had arrested about 200 peoples who involve in Illegal BERSIH movement.

Members of Parliament, members of State Assembly, members of local council, members of NGOs, common peoples... They are all threats to national security?

Why not just abolish parliament, state assembly and local council?! If all our representatives are criminals?

6. Finally they found something real scary.

Things being found in some bushes by the roadside indicate that BERSIH is actually kotor!!!

HELLO, there are knifes in every houses, there are parang every shops selling coconuts or watermelons, there are even more BERSIH T-shirts in YOUR BALAI POLIS!!!

7. Yet, these BERSIH guys whom they think maybe terrorists had seek audience with the Agung. They even have good and peaceful discussions!

However, after seeking audience with Agung, the police still decided to apply restriction order from court so that they cannot step into KL on 9th July. OUT OF WHAT REASON? Seriously don't know.

...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
It's suggested that the government and police to seek advice from Psychologist. Cause all of the above, are just like some symptoms of Persecution Paranoia..

Don't you think so?

The Sins of The Yellow

Our Home Minister & IGP just announced, that Yellow is now illegal in Bolehland! Therefore, those wearing yellow please take off your clothes. If you cannot do this, consider to stay away from Bolehland!

The announcement had set off some panic in the community, some celebrities have suffered for no reason, many of them started to complain:

The DigiMan is the first to be arrested. He has no idea at all, what crime does he committed, or who does he offended. The last thing he remember is he singing "I will follow you". That's it.

After seeing what happen to DigiMan, perhaps His Majesty YDPA starts reconsider about His Majesty's favourite colour?

A close friend of His Majesty, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth has immediately summoned His Highness the Pope, to discuss about the issue. Of course they cannot simple give up the symbolic colour of the Royal Family.. So they decided to take the risk, Bolehland police cannot just arrest them, they believe.

And another friend of them is considering on changing her sir name. Just wondering whether this will cost RM1.8million?

But you see, the above are real powerful celebrities.. what above those who are not so powerful?

Tweety is worried.

Pikachu is crying.

Bumblebee is considering going back to Cybertron with Optimus..

But at least they can move, you see. Other innocent "yellows" can only beg and plead innocent so that they wont be arrested. Such as:






The most splendid thing happened during the chaos is this: one of them smart enough to hide the "yellow" inside so that he wont be caught.


Let's give him some warm applause!!! And good luck to all "yellows"!!!

All of the above are fictitious, any similarity happen in real life is purely coincidental.



The story behind this story is that:-

Frankly, we shouldn't have blamed the police for causing so many people into trouble. Because there are too many deadly sins committed by the "Yellow". One of the major one is that, you know, some of these yellow guys requested for Clean and Fair Election!!!

Stupid meh?! How can we have clean and fair election here?! If so, the government will be overthrown at no time! That is sinful!